we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
