I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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