the condom got lost in my hair
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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