he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
