I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
