She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My penis needs a shock collar
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
