whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
