mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
