Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
only you would photoshop your dick
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
