Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize