now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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