the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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