omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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