Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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