It's Friday. Sex?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
