You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
