This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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