I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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