And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He felt like a one man threesome
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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