OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
