Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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