I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
