I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
