I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
