I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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