I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
