Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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