Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
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I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
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WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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