He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
