I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
