I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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