Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
