Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
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This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
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It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list