HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
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Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely