His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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