Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize