Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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