I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
How's work?
Spinning.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
