Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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