There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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