is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
