My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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