What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
