haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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