I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
