well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
