So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
