he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
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I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
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The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So vagazzling was a success
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