Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
