yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
