You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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