Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
