GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
