When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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