We named our party play list daddy issues
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
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