Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
