Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
