Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
did you get engaged???
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
send nudes
from the living room?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize