is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
