I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
